Most of us, at one time or another, will feel like our world has just come crashing down around us! There can be various causes, but the feelings that are aroused seem to be fairly similar. When you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to hold a coherent thought for more than a minute, to take care of our most basic needs — normal day-to-day life seems to be on hold.
I remember three years ago, how we felt when our much-loved nephew suddenly died. I wrote a blog post then about it (Actually, I wrote a second and a third post about it too.), trying to sort out my feelings, and trying to make sense of something that just felt so wrong.
Right after he died, I remember stepping out of the hospital, and looking around me at all of the people walking around as if the day was just an ordinary day. I not only felt heartbroken, but I also felt out of step with the rest of the world! Looking back on it, I think that really added to the pain — feeling separate, and alone with our sudden grief.
Three years later, I know that many other people were grieving around the world that day, but at the time I had lost sight of that truth. I knew our whole family was completely heartbroken, but when you are dealing with something so heavy, you lose sight of the bigger picture. There’s a micro-focus on the pain too close at hand!
When some type of trauma or tragedy happens, we just want to wake up from the nightmare, and find out that it isn’t real. We want to believe in fairy tales with happy endings. We want to believe that life is always sunshine and happiness!
Sometimes it isn’t, and we need to move through those times in the way that feels right for each of us individually. Our family has had other heart-wrenching experiences through the years, and we’ve learned that there’s strength in coming together with friends and with each other to share support, love, and caring. We’ve learned that there’s no place for judgement at those times. We can’t know others’ exact experience, and what works best for them, so we just love them through whatever they need to do.
If you’re facing something really painful right now, please do what you need to do to take good care of yourself. Reach out to others — or find a safe, quiet haven to grieve. Do what feels right to you! If others reach out to you, and if you can, let them know what you need at the moment. If some don’t reach out, try to understand that often they just don’t know what to do, or what to say.
Above all, realize that there are people around you who care. We might not know how to show it, but lots of us care! And remember that you will get through this, whatever it is. You have more strength than you realize. In time, you will start working your way back, back to life, with all of it’s ups and downs — all of its mysteries, hard times, triumphs, and joys! Don’t forget that you can do whatever you need to do, just give yourself time and patience, and get professional help if you need it!
Until next time,