That’s something I hear from my clients all the time! They sometimes can’t see the forest for the trees — as the old saying goes. They know that their lives have gotten out of hand. They sometimes even know that they must have something to do with that, but… When I point out to them some of the patterns that I see in the choices they’ve been making, it’s like a light goes on. Suddenly things make sense!

Why is it that it’s so much easier for all of us to recognize when others are screwing up? There are lots of reasons. Most of them boil down to being too close to the situation to see our own part in it. We’ve spent a lifetime developing defense mechanisms that have helped us get through some really tough times. Eventually, though, those same defense mechanisms can keep us stuck. When we don’t see how we’re complicating our own lives, there’s precious little we can do to change things. We need awareness before we have the power to make things better.

It’s difficult for friends and family to find a way to help us see the changes we need to make. Sometimes they’re part of the situation and can’t see the patterns either. Sometimes they’re so protective of us that they don’t want to take a chance on hurting our feelings by speaking the truth. Other times they don’t know the reality of what we’re dealing with, because we’re trying to protect them. We don’t want them to worry.

If any of this resonates with you, please go for professional help. Life is too short to continue struggling with the same old issues. You don’t have power over anyone else. You can’t change them. You can’t make them be who you want them to be. You power lies with what you can choose to do differently in your own life. Get some help so that you can break through whatever is blocking your happiness and peace of mind.

Until next time,



  • this is so good Linda. what am i doing or what have i done, what was/is my part in this. i find myself looking at this kind of questioning as i continue to refine and reform myself after my last relationship. the line form Simon and Garfunkel, ‘a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest” seem so powerful when i look back at these past 5 years. my part was not hearing pain, fear, ambivalence. i wanted what i wanted and disregarded the rest. Lesson learned, now to live out of the learning. Again, thank you for this post.

  • Thank you for speaking so eloquently from your heart, Janie. We perfect our defenses throughout our lives. We often hear, see, feel, and think whatever fits in with our needs. This is all filtered through the life script we’ve written for ourselves. This script becomes more indelibly written in our minds over time. When we can begin to break through from our limited view of our lives, we begin to soar!

    Take good care,

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