I so often have clients who come in for therapy because they’re clinging to unhealthy relationships.  Part of them knows the relationship isn’t healthy, but there’s a part of them that “hangs on” with the hope that it will get better.  Other people come in grieving the end of a relationship.  As we discuss the love they’ve lost, we see that it was full of red flags from the very beginning.

One big reason for all of this unhappiness is their own inner vulnerability.  They’re vulnerable in romantic relationships, because of a lack of self-love and acceptance.  The most important relationship of all is the one we have with ourselves!

When we don’t have a strong belief that we’re worthy of being loved, we tend to choose people who confirm for us that we aren’t loveable.  We then draw people to us, who are struggling with their own emotional wounds.  Heartache is often the end result.

Learning to love ourselves, and to see our own worthiness is critical!  We don’t have to be perfect to see ourselves as having great value.  We can shift our focus over to what’s right with us, instead of what’s wrong with us.  We can begin to recognize that, like everyone else, we’re a work in progress.  We aren’t finished growing and learning yet, and becoming what we’re meant to be.

As we start to look at ourselves with eyes softened by love and compassion, something magical happens.  We begin to understand that we don’t need someone to complete us.  We can be enough all by ourselves!

At that point, we will be ready to draw people to us who are emotionally healthy.  These people will see our worthiness, and value what we have to offer.  They will treat us as we deserve to be treated, with love, loyalty, and respect.  And, in turn, we will be ready to love, honor and truly appreciate them.  We can then come together out of mutual joy and caring, not out of mutual need and fear.

Healthy love happens when each person recognizes their individual wholeness and strength, and feels worthy of being loved.  They’re then ready to join hands and hearts.  They’re ready for an even richer celebration of life and love!

Until next time,



  • Excellent advice! Even if we’re lucky enough to be in a loving and healthy relationship, it’s good to practice a little self love each day. Thanks for your post.

    • Thank you, Amy! It is so true. It is a good thing to “practice a little self love each day.” Having healthy loving relationships is such a blessing, whether it’s with ourselves or others.


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